Some of our work numbers are regularly targeted, plagued by unsolicited callers wanting to talk about a recent motor vehicle accident. I've been spared, luckily. Until today.
A colleague politely hung up on one… and then my phone rang.
It:
"Hello, this is [unintelligible name, company name] calling about your accident."
Me:
"What's the name of the company?"
It:
"Hello, this is [unintelligible name, company name] calling about your accident."
Me, rather louder than I intended to:
"Listen: go fuck yourself."
And then I replaced the handset, carefully, aware of an unaccountable increase in the hubbub, the level of mirth around me.
As a spectacle, not much, I'm mindful of being in work. I've done better…
Some time ago (I may already have written about this) I was unlucky enough to pick up at home; someone telling me my router has a virus. Yeah.
I began by insulting him, calling him a parasite, the usual insults I usually keep to myself when my family is with me. Interestingly, it went a bit downhill towards the end as he traded insults with me.
Here goes.
Me:
"Listen, your name really isn't 'Mike' is it."
It:
"No, you couldn't pronounce my name."
Me:
"Go on then, I've a few Asian friends who aren't bottom-feeding parasites like you, go on, give me a try."
It:
"[Utterly fucking unintelligible name.]"
Me:
"Ok, 'Mike, you got me th"
And then I replaced the handset, carefully, aware of an evening of the score, a stalemate.
Yeah.